Resolving the Confidence Crisis
British educator Terri Apter notes that the ersatz sophistication adopted by tweens—typically, kids from ages 10 to 14—often misleads adults into thinking they are more able, confident, and grown up than they actually are. This media-fueled image of savvy early adolescence, often accepted unquestioningly by adults, doesn’t help matters when it comes to really supporting youngsters maturing into adulthood.
As they enter the tween years, children become aware of just how complex and difficult life can be in terms of academics, social interactions, and family. They can lose the confidence of a younger child, who accepts the slight ups and downs of his or her own abilities more readily. For tweens, the range of highs and lows in confidence and behavior is much wider because they feel the pressure of their own expectations and those of adults.
In the past, many experts recommended that we feed children who lack confidence, particularly in school, a constant diet of success. The experience of success, these experts believed, would convince children that they are successful individuals and give them the confidence to persist when things got difficult. Research has shown, however, that praise and success do not increase young people’s ability to persist when the problems they face become more complex.
But if students believe that they have succeeded because of their own hard work, concentration, and practice, they will believe that future successes or failures are within their control. The belief that their own efforts lead to improvement and achievement helps young people persist in difficult tasks, Apter writes. For example, a student unhappy with an art project should be allowed to verbalize what she likes or doesn’t like about her work and encouraged by the teacher to follow through on improvements.
Apter concludes:
We need to give tweens the message that they may sometimes fail, that they will face difficult tasks ahead, but that they can overcome difficulties with practice, with dedication, and sometimes with a parent’s or teacher’s help. We may have to remind ourselves that our rapidly growing children, who may be adept at disguising their self-doubt and dependency, continue to need our support to put forth the persistent efforts that will shape them into the adults they hope to become.